One of the most common questions parents ask after separation is:
“At what age can my child decide who they want to live with?”
Many people assume there is a specific age at which a child can make this decision. However, under Australian family law, there is no set age where a child can independently choose which parent they live with.
Instead, a child’s views are one of many factors considered when determining what arrangements are in their best interests.
If your child has expressed a preference about where they want to live, or your existing parenting arrangements are no longer working, understanding how the Family Court approaches these situations can help you make informed decisions and mimimise conflict.
Can a Child Choose Which Parent They Live With?
The short answer is no. There is no age at which a child automatically gains the legal right to choose which parent they live with. Under the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth), the Court’s primary consideration is always what is in the best interests of the child. While a child’s views may be taken into account, they are only one factor considered when determining parenting arrangements.
This means that even if a child strongly expresses a preference to live with one parent, the Court will still consider a range of other circumstances before making a decision.
In many cases, parents are able to reach agreement about parenting arrangements without going to Court. However, if there is a dispute, a child’s wishes will be considered alongside other factors that affect their wellbeing, safety and development.
What Does the Court Consider When Deciding Where a Child Lives?
When determining parenting arrangements, the Court considers what will best promote the child’s welfare and development.
Key factors include:
- The child’s age, maturity and level of understanding
- The child’s views and expressed preferences
- The nature of the relationship with each parent
- The child’s emotional, educational and developmental needs
- The benefit of maintaining meaningful relationships with both parents and other significant people
- Any history of family violence, abuse or neglect
- The practicality of proposed arrangements
- The impact of any change in living arrangements
Every family is different, which means there is no one-size-fits-all answer. The Court considers the individual circumstances of each child and family before making a decision.
At What Age Does a Child’s Opinion Matter?
In reality, there is no magic age. As children mature, their views generally become more influential because they are often better able to express their wishes and explain the reasons behind them. However, the Court is concerned with more than just age. It will also consider the child’s level of maturity, understanding and ability to make informed decisions.
For example, the views of a mature teenager may carry significant weight, particularly where they have clear and well-reasoned views about their living arrangements. On the other hand, the wishes of a younger child may be given less weight if the Court believes they do not fully understand the situation or may have been influenced by others.
Importantly, even where a child expresses a strong preference, the Court is not required to follow it. The child’s wishes are considered as part of the broader assessment of what arrangements are in their best interests. The key question is not how old the child is, but rather how much weight should be given to their views in the circumstances.
How Does the Court Learn About a Child’s Wishes?
Many parents are surprised to learn that children are not usually required to attend Court or give evidence directly to a judge. The family law system aims to protect children from becoming involved in parental conflict wherever possible.
Instead, a child’s views may be communicated through:
Family Reports
A family consultant may meet with the child and parents before preparing a report for the Court. These reports often provide valuable insight into the child’s wishes, relationships and well-being.
Independent Children’s Lawyers
In some cases, the Court may appoint an Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) to represent the child’s best interests. An ICL does not simply tell the Court what the child wants. Instead, they consider all relevant evidence and make submissions about what arrangements are likely to be in the child’s best interests. However, the ICL is not required to meet with the child if:
- The child does not want to meet with the ICL or express their views.
- Or if there are other exceptional circumstances such as the meeting would have a significant adverse effect on the well-being of the child.
Expert Assessments
Psychologists, counsellors and other professionals may also provide evidence regarding a child’s views and circumstances where appropriate. These processes help ensure that a child’s voice is heard in a safe and age-appropriate way.
What Happens if a Child Wants to Live With the Other Parent?
As children grow older, it is not uncommon for them to express a desire to spend more time with one parent or even change their primary residence.
This can happen for many reasons, including:
- Changes in schooling or extracurricular commitments
- Social connections and friendships
- Increasing independence
- Differences in household rules and expectations
- Changes in family circumstances
While a child’s wishes may indicate that arrangements should be reviewed, parents should not make unilateral changes, especially where parenting orders exist.
If parenting orders are already in place, changing living arrangements without agreement or appropriate legal processes can create complications.
Often, the best approach is to discuss the issue openly, consider the child’s concerns and seek legal advice before making changes.
What Happens if a Child Refuses to See a Parent?
Another common question is whether a child can refuse to spend time with one of their parents. The answer depends on the circumstances. Where parenting orders are in place, parents are generally expected to comply with those orders. However, the reality can become more complex when an older child strongly resists spending time with a parent.
Courts recognise that it can be difficult to force a mature teenager to spend time with a parent against their wishes. However, that does not automatically mean the child gets to decide.
If a child is refusing contact, it is important to understand the reasons behind their reluctance. There may be concerns about conflict, communication difficulties, emotional well-being, or other issues that need to be addressed. Rather than ignoring parenting orders or escalating conflict, parents should seek legal advice about the appropriate steps to take.
Can Parenting Orders Be Changed if a Child Wants Different Living Arrangements?
Yes, but not automatically.
A child’s wishes may form part of the basis for seeking to change parenting orders, particularly where circumstances have significantly changed.
The Court will consider:
- The child’s views
- Their age and maturity
- Whether circumstances have changed
- Whether the proposed changes are in the child’s best interests
A child’s wishes alone will not necessarily justify changing parenting orders, but they may be an important factor in the overall assessment.
When Should You Seek Legal Advice?
It may be time to obtain legal advice if:
- Your child wants to change where they live
- Existing arrangements are no longer working
- Your child is refusing to spend time with the other parent
- You are concerned about the impact of conflict on your child
- You are considering changing parenting orders
- Court proceedings are underway
Every family situation is unique, and obtaining advice early can help parents understand their options, avoid mistakes, and minimise conflict.
Final Thoughts
There is no specific age at which a child can choose which parent they live with in Australia.
While a child’s wishes become increasingly important as they mature, the Court’s primary focus will always be what is in the child’s best interests.
If your child has expressed a desire to change living arrangements, or you have concerns about parenting orders after separation, obtaining legal advice can help you understand your rights and responsibilities while keeping your child’s wellbeing at the centre of any decision-making.
If you would like advice about parenting arrangements, parenting orders or family law issues following separation, contact us to arrange a confidential discussion with one of our experienced family lawyers.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a child choose which parent they want to live with in Australia?
No. There is no age at which a child can automatically choose which parent they live with. While a child’s wishes may be considered, the Family Court will always make decisions based on what is in the child’s best interests.
At what age can a child decide who they want to live with?
There is no specific age under Australian law that allows a child to independently decide where they will live. As children mature, their views generally carry greater weight, but age is only one factor considered by the Court.
Does the Family Court listen to a child's wishes?
Yes. The Family Court may consider a child’s wishes when determining parenting arrangements. However, a child’s views are only one factor among many that the Court takes into account when assessing what is in their best interests.
How much weight does the Court give to a child's wishes?
The weight given to a child’s wishes depends on their age, maturity, understanding of the situation and the reasons for their preference. Generally, the views of older and more mature children are given greater consideration.
Can a teenager decide which parent they want to live with?
A teenager’s views will often carry significant weight, particularly if they are mature and have well-reasoned preferences. However, the Court is not required to follow those wishes and will still consider all relevant circumstances before making a decision.
Can a child refuse to see a parent?
A child cannot simply decide to ignore parenting arrangements or Court orders. However, if a child is strongly resisting time with a parent, it is important to understand the reasons why and seek legal advice. The situation may require changes to existing arrangements or further intervention to address underlying issues.
What happens if my child wants to live with the other parent?
If your child expresses a desire to live primarily with the other parent, it may be appropriate to review the current arrangements. Parents should avoid making significant changes without first considering the legal implications, particularly where parenting orders are already in place.
Can parenting orders be changed because of a child's wishes?
A child’s wishes may form part of the reason for seeking a change to parenting orders, particularly where circumstances have changed significantly since the orders were made. However, the Court will still need to be satisfied that any proposed changes are in the child’s best interests.
Will my child have to speak to a judge?
In most cases, no. Children’s views are usually communicated through family reports, family consultants, Independent Children’s Lawyers or other professionals. The Court aims to minimise children’s direct involvement in legal proceedings wherever possible.
What should I do if my child wants to change living arrangements?
It is important to listen to your child’s concerns and consider whether the current arrangements continue to meet their needs. Before making any changes, particularly where Court orders exist, you should obtain legal advice to understand your options and obligations.
Eileen Newcombe
Senior Solicitor
Eileen practices in Family Law with a strong focus on property settlements and parenting arrangements. Eileen is committed to providing practical guidance and tailored solutions that help families move forward with stability and confidence
Disclaimer: The content presented in this article is offered for informational purposes and should not be construed as legal advice or a substitute for professional guidance. If you have questions or require legal assistance, we strongly recommend consulting with a Solicitor to address your individual circumstances.