Are you separated or recently divorced and wondering how Christmas will work this year? For many parents, the festive season is one of the most emotional and challenging times after separation. Balancing traditions, new routines, and your children’s needs can feel overwhelming.
With preparation and clear communication, it is possible to create a happy Christmas for your children while reducing conflict and stress. This blog shares practical co-parenting tips, common scheduling options, and what to do if you can’t agree.
Why Christmas Can Feel Hard After Separation
Christmas is loaded with expectations, family traditions, time with children, and even the pressure of “the perfect day.” When parents separate, it can raise tough questions:
- Who gets the children on Christmas Day?
- How do you share traditions without disrupting the kids’ experience?
- What happens if one parent won’t compromise?
Understanding these challenges is the first step to finding workable solutions.
Co-Parenting Tips for a Peaceful Christmas
Put your children first
The focus should always be on your children’s well-being. Remember: Christmas doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be calm, loving, and memorable. When making plans, think about what works best for the children. Consider travel times between homes, their routines, and whether the schedule allows everyone to enjoy the day without being overstretched.
Plan ahead (well before December)
Last-minute decisions can lead to conflict. If possible, start discussions about Christmas arrangements by October if possible. This allows time to compromise and avoid last-minute stress.
Be flexible with traditions
Christmas can trigger a lot of expectations about how things “should” look. Whether it’s family gatherings, gift exchanges, or time spent together, it’s easy to feel pressure to make things “perfect.” But perfection is a myth. Instead of pushing yourself, embrace this opportunity and remember to practice kindness and patience as you adapt to this new chapter. This is an opportunity to create new traditions and lasting memories.
Communicate clearly (and kindly)
If direct conversations are difficult, consider using parenting apps, email, or written schedules to keep things respectful and clear.
Avoid conflict in front of the kids
Even if tensions are high, shielding your children from disputes is one of the best gifts you can give them.
Common Ways to Share Christmas
Every family is different, but here are some of the most common Christmas schedules:
- Split Christmas Day – One parent has the children in the morning, the other in the afternoon/evening.
- Alternate Years – Parents swap Christmas Day each year.
- Two Christmases – One parent celebrates on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, the other on Christmas Day.
- Travel-based solutions – If families live far apart, consider alternating entire holiday periods instead.
What Are My Options to Document a Christmas Parenting Plan?
If you and your co-parent can reach an agreement about Christmas, it’s important to document it so expectations are clear:
- Parenting Plan – A written record of your arrangements. It’s not legally binding but can help reduce misunderstandings.
- Consent Orders – A legally binding agreement approved by the Court. These can specifically cover Christmas arrangements and provide enforceability.
If you can’t agree, the last option is to apply for:
- Court Orders – The Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia will make a decision based on the children’s best interests. Keep in mind the outcome may not always reflect your preference.
Important deadline: If court proceedings are needed, start early. The Court sets a cut-off date (usually 4pm on the second Friday in November) for Christmas applications. To meet this deadline, begin paperwork with your solicitor by mid-October.
Taking Care of Yourself
Christmas can also be emotionally demanding for parents. It helps to plan ahead for the times when the children aren’t with you:
- Spend time with family or friends – organise lunch or dinner with people who care about you.
- Volunteer or give back – helping at a community Christmas lunch can bring connection and perspective.
- Plan a self-care activity – a beach walk, massage, or reading time can recharge you.
- Create your own tradition – cook a favourite meal, watch a film, or start something new you look forward to.
- Travel or take a short break – even a day trip can provide a healthy change of scenery.
- Seek professional support – speaking with a counsellor or therapist can provide valuable guidance.
Looking after yourself ultimately helps you look after your children.
Frequently Asked Questions about CoParenting at Christmas
Who gets the children at Christmas after separation in NSW?
There’s no automatic rule in NSW. Parents are encouraged to agree on arrangements that prioritise the children’s best interests. Options include alternating years, splitting Christmas Day, or celebrating on different days. If parents can’t agree, a parenting plan or court order may be needed.
How do separated parents share Christmas Day?
Common options include:
- One parent has the morning, the other the afternoon.
- Alternating Christmas Day each year.
- Celebrating on different days (Christmas Eve or Boxing Day).
The best approach is the one that reduces conflict and keeps the children’s experience positive.
What if separated parents can’t agree on Christmas arrangements?
If parents can’t agree, family dispute resolution or mediation is recommended first. If that fails, a consent order or court order from the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia may set out arrangements. Seeking legal advice early is important in the lead-up to Christmas.
Do I need a parenting plan for Christmas after separation?
A parenting plan isn’t legally binding but helps clarify arrangements and reduce disputes. Many parents use them to outline Christmas schedules, travel, and pick-up times. For enforceable arrangements, parents can apply for consent orders through the Court.
How can I make Christmas easier for my children after separation?
Keep the focus on their needs. Plan ahead, communicate respectfully, avoid conflict, and be flexible with traditions. Reassure your children that Christmas can still be special, even if it looks different now.
Christmas after separation can be challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to embrace change and create new traditions. With early planning, clear communication, and a focus on the children’s needs, families can make the festive season as smooth as possible.
How can I make my Christmas parenting plan legally binding?
A parenting plan is a helpful written record but it’s not enforceable. To make Christmas arrangements legally binding, parents can apply for consent orders through the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia. If parents can’t agree, the Court may decide arrangements through formal orders.
At Orman Solicitors, we understand the unique challenges of co-parenting and separation. We help parents create clear, practical parenting arrangements. If you’d like to speak to a Solicitor about how to negotiate Christmas with your ex-partner please reach out for a free and confidential 15 min consultation.
Maggie Orman
Director
Maggie is the founder and director of Orman Solicitors. With over 25 years of experience, Maggie specialises in Family Law, Litigation, Estate Planning and Farm Succession Planning.
Maggie is committed to delivering pragmatic solutions that not only resolve immediate challenges but also safeguard families and future generations.
Disclaimer: The content presented in this article is offered for informational purposes and should not be construed as legal advice or a substitute for professional guidance. If you have questions or require legal assistance, we strongly recommend consulting with a Solicitor to address your individual circumstances.