Coparenting at Christmas, how to navigate Christmas when separated…

With Christmas fast approaching, the festive season can feel especially daunting if you’ve recently separated. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed or uncertain about how to manage the holidays in this new dynamic. While things may not look the same as they used to, you don’t have to have it all figured out immediately, but now is the right time to start thinking about what your plans will look like.  This is an opportunity to create new traditions and lasting memories!

Firstly, Be Kind to Yourself

Christmas can trigger a lot of expectations about what the festive season should be like. Whether it’s family gatherings, gift exchanges, or time spent together, it’s easy to feel pressure to make things "perfect." But perfection is a myth. Instead of pushing yourself, embrace this opportunity and remember to practice kindness and patience as you adapt to this new chapter.

Start the Conversation Early

Now is the time to start talking with your ex-partner about Christmas plans. Leaving it too late can increase stress, so give yourselves time to consider all the options, make adjustments, and ultimately agree on what will work best for everyone.

Get It in Writing

While verbal agreements can work for some, it’s a good idea to document your Christmas plans. This avoids misunderstandings later on. If you want or need these agreements to be a legally enforceable arrangement, you will need to get these through the court with consent orders.  Keep this in mind if you foresee challenges in the future.

Prioritise the Children

Christmas and the summer holidays are special for everyone, especially children. 

Whist you may at first have feelings of disappointment or frustration, about the day and what has been the traditions of the past, take this opportunity to think about whether or not events need to be on that particular date or in that particular setting.  Think about how arrangements can be moved to still have those traditions and memories, if that’s what you really want.

What’s the best way to split Christmas?

The approach to spending time over Christmas and New Year’s can look different for everyone depending on how close you all live to each other and the needs of particular people who are special to the children and yourselves.

Consider the Children's Needs

When making plans, think about what will work best for the children, especially if they’re younger. Consider how far you need to travel between homes, the children’s daily routines, like naps or meals, and ensure the schedule is something everyone can enjoy without being overstretched.

Split the Day in Half

One common approach is splitting Christmas Day in half. For instance, one parent might have the kids from lunchtime on Christmas Eve until lunchtime on Christmas Day, and the other parent takes over in the afternoon and spends time with the Children through to Boxing Day lunchtime.

Alternate Years

Another option is alternating Christmas each year. One parent spends Christmas Eve with the Children and the other parent spends Christmas Day with the Children and then you swap the next year.

Whatever you decide, remember to be realistic on how long meals and the time for specific things for the occasion will take.

What If You Can’t Reach an Agreement?

If, despite your best efforts, you and your ex-partner cannot agree on Christmas plans, your only option may be to apply to the court to get orders for this period. The Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia will always prioritise what is in the best interests of the children. However, be prepared for an outcome that may not align with your desires.

If court proceedings are necessary, start the process early, as the court breaks for Christmas and there is often a rush of applications in the lead-up to the holidays.  The cut off date for the Court to accept Applications are by 4pm on the second Friday in November of each year.  So will you will need to ensure that your paperwork is started with your Solicitor at least by mid-October.

Christmas after separation can be a challenge, but it’s also an opportunity to embrace change and create new traditions. While the process may feel daunting, early planning, open communication, and focusing on the children’s needs will help make this festive season as smooth as possible for everyone involved.

If you would like to speak to a Solicitor about how to negotiate Christmas with your ex-partner please reach out for a free and confidential 15 min consultation.

Disclaimer: The content presented in this article is offered for informational purposes and should not be construed as legal advice or a substitute for professional guidance. If you have questions or require legal assistance, we strongly recommend consulting with a Solicitor to address your individual circumstances.